Here is a little Valentine inspiration from Ann Voskamp… Happy Valentines!
Marital love is a demanding and dying thing compared to the stuff of movies and mirages.
The love of imagination — it’s a different beast entirely than love made in the image of a Saviour with nails in His hands.
There are no standing lovers: the only way to love is to lay down.
Lay down plans. Lay down agendas. Lay down self.
Love is always the laying down.
This is how to make love out of a marriage: Love lays down it’s own wants to lift up the will of another.
Love let’s go of it’s plans — to hold on to a person.
Falling in love again isn’t so much about communicating better, but about connecting deeper.
Poor communication doesn’t disconnect souls — it’s the disconnected souls who poorly communicate. When we’re well attached, we communicate well and when we aren’t fully communicating it’s because we don’t feel connected.
No matter our age, it never stops, this need to feel securely attached, and messy marriages can be because of attachment disorders. That’s what good relationships are: safe havens in the world, this base that makes us brave to venture out into the world — and safe to come home.
That’s what He made love to be: for love to bear all things. “Bears,” it’s stego in the Greek — “a thatch roof.”
Love bears all things — love literally becomes a thatch roof.
That’s what real love always is: I become a roof for you, a wing for you, a shelter in your storm.
Come to me. Count on me to hold you.
5 Ways to Fight through to Love:
1. You don’t need honed communication skills —
As much as the will to connect hearts.
2. Get to the tender wounded question behind every fight:
“Can I depend on you? Do my feelings matter to you? How do you care about me? Hold me?”
3. In the anxiety that’s masking as anger, don’t up the ante
Don’t up the ante with name-calling, labels or threats of the D word (divorce).
Critical language can register in the brain as the same area as physical pain — which leaves your spouse dealing with their own pain, instead of caring for you in yours.
4. Be your spouse’s ER:
Emotionally Respond. Listen to the cries of fear behind the fighting. Hear anger as a cry for attachment, this call for connection. Have the courage in the midst of the heat to tenderly reach out and touch the bruised places. Reassure that you’ll always be there, that you care, that you’re in this together.
5. Hold each other close and long…
Love bears all things. Be a roof, a wing, a shelter in the storm.
“It is not your love that sustains the marriage —
but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.”



